Loco

Sailing half way around the world is not quite as exciting as it sounds. Forget the great piratical rambustifications of Kate ‘aaarrrgghh me harties’ Andrews, a daring tale of mystery and intrigue full of swashbuckling pirates and hidden treasure. The reality was a rather bizarre mixture of the surreal and the mundane; think 10 things to do before you die meets Good Housekeeping magazine.

I’ve done some things that most people only dream of. From sailing across the Equator with a glass of champagne, to showering in a rain storm and barbecuing steaks off the back of the yacht while drifting through the Doldrums. I’ve seen more flying fish and dolphins than you can shake a stick at (this was hindered only by the fact that I didn’t have a stick to hand), but most importantly, I survived. All this excitement, however, was on the good days…

A 24 day ocean crossing leaves plenty of time for boredom to set in. After all, the fact that you can’t see land is only interesting for the first few minutes. After that, well you just can’t see land, or indeed anything, except sea and sky, sky and sea, one or the other, or both, depending on the direction you look. Riveting I know. So in order to keep boredom at bay and to preserve my sanity I became a model housewife.

I’ve cooked, cleaned and baked bread, I’ve mended holes in my clothes and done my washing in a bucket. Short of darning socks and bearing children I’ve been a perfect 1940s stay at home mother. So if you’ve thought of me with even a shred of envy at any point during the last 3 weeks you can console yourself with the knowledge that while I was sailing across an ocean in true environmental warrior style, there is also a good chance that I was cleaning a toilet.

As the least experienced member of crew I often left the sailing business to the more salty sailors and I earned my keep with the bread making, scone and banana bread baking, and cooking up culinary treats for my co-crew. And when I wasn’t busy playing house I was left to consider the important things in life, the questions that mankind has struggled with since time began, like whether fish have eyelids, and at what point I simply won’t be able to get any more tanned.

Photos: Kate & x-ray_delta

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