Loco

It was 10 am and I’d just had an egg sandwich. Someone passed me a bottle of Beer Laos. I manhandled my backpack onto my shoulders, took a few short steps to the waters edge where the slow boat was waiting, and promptly fell over into the filthy mud, beer in hand. So began my love affair with the mighty Mekong River.

Running for almost five thousand kilometers I’ve seen that River almost everyday since, and I’ve probably swallowed a few litres of the filth too. Our two-day boat ride took us to Luang Probang where we got involved with some serious waterfall jumping, and watched monks in safron robes collecting alms in exchange for blessings at 5am. Very cultural me thinks.

After all that Lonely Planet stuff we thought we’d try something no-one else has ever heard of. We went tubing. Only joking, this may be the single most talked about activity on the entire SE Asia backpacker trail. But like the Full Moon Party you can’t knock it til you’ve tried it. So we donned our compulsory ‘Beer Laos’ T-shirts and headed to the Mekong where we swung from rope swings, zipped down zip lines, and slid down slides. As you do. Didn’t actually fancy paying for an inner tube so stuck with good old fashioned swimming to get me between bars but had a blast anyway. Although I will take this opportunity to point that no matter how much whisky you’ve drunk it is NEVER a good idea to attempt a mid-air “Brucey” from a 20 foot swing.

For those of you not familair with the Brucey here’s an activity for you. Try it your self. Stand up, put your left arm forward and place your clenched fist to your forehead, a la ‘The Thinker’. Now take you right hand and place it on your back in a ‘I’m a little tea pot’ manner. And there you have it, the Brucey. Do not attempt while falling from a great height. I honest to God almost put my arm out of its socket. You have a lot to answer for Mr Forsythe. But plenty of fun, and if I’m honest I’d do it again.

After a day of recovery we braved a ‘VIP’ bus to Vientiane. In this instance VIP does not stand for very important person but very inconvenient position, as seats are designed for midgets and air conditioning comes in the form of hastily opened windows that allow a slight draft. Sweaty much? But it got us to the capital. Although Vientiane doesn’t hold much appeal with a small gang of mates and some rented motorbikes you can have at least one day of fun. Herbal Sauna…get in! One hour massage for a dollar, yes please; big park full of Budhas and Co. why the hell not? And all while wondering whether I could crush my friend with my thighs as I sit on the back of the bike. Seriously I reckon I could break a rib given half a chance. All kinds of fun I tell thee.

So that was Laos in a nutshell. But there was also some low rider style cycling to Khmer era ruins in Champasak, a night bus with beds designed for teeny tiny people, a seemingly drunk tuk tuk driver who honestly almost fell asleep at the wheel and had to be screamed at (don’t know how we survived that one). Four Thousand Islands in the South (not to be confused with the salad dressing) offered hammocks and happy shakes (a very bad idea; laughed until I cried then lost the ability to form sentances, freaked out and had to go to sleep, never again). And so to Cambodia.

Images courtesy of Kate

Back to top