Loco

Can I interest you in some sheese, shoup, or perhaps some ships? In fact, perhaps you like the fried chicken lag and scrambled bread, with a side of meat mould or maybe the anger stew? That’s right folks, we’re in Asia where menus have evolved to a higher level.

Street kids climb you as if you were a tree, your anti-malaria tablets will give you dreams worthy of an acid trip (Lego man hands anyone?) and you will constantly be accosted to buy a book, a bracelet, a ride in a tuk tuk, some drugs; maybe you’d like a prostitute, or to see a shocking sex show…no? really, are you sure? Perhaps I should ask you an additional twenty times just in case you change your mind.

But these things are mere trifles in comparison to the many varied opportunities for serious injury that come your way. Crossing the road is a logistical nightmare, involving rather a lot of running, jumping and praying for your life. You are actively encouraged to get drunk and fling yourself from 20 foot rope swings into a raging river whilst an eight year old lifegaurd watches over you.

And what with spider bites, drunken taxi drivers, blood banks, allergic reactions, near dislocated shoulders and ill advised Tomb Raider army rolls inside crumbling temples I’m lucky to still be standing. Breathe parental structure, I’m ok…just, and frankly I brought most of it on myself. But before I go on, are you quite sure you wouldn’t like a ride in this tuk tuk?

When I left you I was bound for Thailand’s infamous Koh Phangang in search of my soul amid a mass of vodka saturated, glow in the dark backpackers. And guess what?! I actually found myself, who needs culture, it turns out that all I really needed was a plastic bucket full of whiskey, dirty dirty house music and a flaming skipping rope. I’m found.

To think I wasted all this time getting cultural and trying to get off the beaten track, I’ve wasted my life. Jokes aside, there was plenty of banter, I mean who can really complain about a four thousand strong rave on a tropical beach, but I must admit that I after watching the sun come up through bleary eyes I was happy to get myself off to more far flung corners.

Photos courtesy of Dominique Claessens and Kate

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